Next week I'll be having some of my in-laws over to stay for a few days. I wouldn't say that my in-laws and I are besties and are super close. I don't have the same bond with them that I do with my own family, but there aren't any major issues and we do get on.
The problem is that whenever they come over they behave very carelessly and I find myself seething. For example, they leave a mountain of washing up and never offer to help (it would be different if we had a dishwasher but we don't!) they eat us out of house and home, and never ask if anyone wants the last of anything, they just gobble it up! I've taken to packing up my Emma Bridgewater bits and pieces because they've broken some of my china in the past and not even apologized. And they really go town with the drinks cabinet, and other luxuries like chocolate, perfume and expensive bath oil. So I've taken to packing up stuff like that before they arrive.
I know it sounds very bad and like I'm an awful human being. And to be honest I do feel that way. But in the beginning I was more than happy to leave these things out and actually encouraged them to help themselves and make themselves feel at home, and YES, I DID mean it! The problem is that they go through these things that there's no tomorrow without a thought for my husband or myself. Furthermore a lot of these things are gifts which are greatly appreciated, but yet they're finished or broken before I can have a chance to properly enjoy them. And yet when we go over to theirs, the hospitality that we've shown them is never reciprocated although they are nice enough. I feel that putting things away while their here is the only way I can not feel resentful later. But I still feel so guilty and selfish. It's a very trivial problem but I always feel so on edge when they're here. What would be an appropriate solution?
Guys thank you for your responses and I'm sorry that I'm late with this. To be honest it were a complete and utter disaster! I will fill everyone in on it when I've a bit more time! Buy thanks for your advice, everyone. x
I don't think you're being selfish at all. If anything it's your in-laws for their very inconsiderate behaviour. They're adults not children so they ought to know better.
There's a lot of you here who agree with Green when she talks about putting her belongings away so that they don't get destroyed by her houseguests. But why the hell should she? Surely her guests should know how to behave in someone else's home. I say she keeps the things where they are and god help anyone who breaks anything!
We hardly ever have people over to stay at our place. But if any visitors behaved like that in my house, I would be mad too. I live with my kids. I don't have a partner so I don't have to deal with in-law issues and worry about hurting my partner's feelings. So I would have no problem in putting people in their place if they disrespected my house. You've got every right to protect your home, your belongings and your boundaries. I hope your husband is on your side with that.
I don't blame you for having to put things away before certain people come over. I would do the same. It never fails to amaze me when people don't know how to behave in someone else's house. Either they're deliberately being silly or they just don't understand boundaries. I think you're doing the right thing in minimizing the damage that might be caused but I'm another who's saying that your husband ought to have a word.
OK I'm not gonna lie - that would drive me batshit f***ing crazy! I'm tiny but I'm not afraid to speak my mind and if anyone came into my home and behaved like that, I would definitely not keep quiet or even get my fiancé to say something regardless of whose family it was. It's my home so it's my right to tell people who are in my home to follow the house rules or leave.
Of course I wouldn't be so blunt initially. But if they're behaviour doesn't change well, don't say I didn't warn you!
Did your guests come over Green? And how was it?
Haha! Another EB girl here so I definitely feel your pain. I'm not really sure I'd be able to contain my anger if someone broke one of my EB pieces and then didn't offer to replace it. Come to think of it, I'd be annoyed if they broke anything and behaved in an inconsiderate manner. We're all old enough to know how to behave as a guest in someone else's house so to me it sounds as though they're just plain rude. Why should you have to pack up breakables when they ought to know better. If it were me, I just wouldn't bother inviting anyone who didn't know how to treat my home back again. But I know that this is your husband's family so this is where it gets really awkward. I'm glad that I don't have to worry about such things with my in-laws and if I did, then I know my husband would step in and deal with the situation. But I agree with everyone here, it's your husband who needs to talk to his family if they're stepping out of line.
First of all, not everyone has the close bond with their in-laws that they have with their own families. That's just how it is even though you may like and get along with them. I was lucky enough to have had a good relationship with my in-laws. Sadly it was my husband who was the problem! LOL! 😂 And even though we're now divorced, I still keep in touch with some of my former in-laws, especially my mother-in-law who I still consider my mother-in-law. But as my ex and I have two kids together, that's one of the reasons why we all keep in touch. I wouldn't though if they were not nice people.
OK back to you, well I think you're doing the right thing in putting away anything that's likely to be broken or misused. If they are as careless as you say, then it will only lead to resentment in the long run which obviously you don't. And also does your husband know how you feel? I know that sometimes it can be very hard to have that awkward conversation with your other half about their family. But if you're able to talk to him about them then do so. As they're his family, he might know the best way to handle the situation.
Thankfully I don't have such issues with my in-laws but I have had house guests like this. My husband and I are on the same page with this one so it doesn't matter whose family/friend it is, if they behave shoddily in our house, they just don't get invited back again.
But I know that this is family, and your husband's family at that. So I think that you should talk to him, and let him deal with it as his family are his responsibility.
Oh dearie me! Well I can see why you'd be a bit cheesed off. I think in situations like this it's not always deliberate. It might just be because they have a lack of awareness and boundaries. I think you should say something (politely) whenever they start to step out of line. You could remind them nicely if they've left a plate in the sink that needs washing up. And if something gets broken politely but firmly let them know that it was a gift from someone special and meant a lot to you, and hopefully they'll have the good manners to replace it. Or better still, get your husband to have a word with them (without landing you in it!) It's only fair.