I don't like my sis in law's friendship with my husband's ex!

Ah, thank you everyone for your kind words. I was a little worried about the kind of comments that I'd get but you've all been really sweet so thank you.

Just to clarify, right now my sis-in-law and my husband's ex are just Facebook friends - that's how they've reconnected. As far as I know they haven't met up in person yet. If they had, I'm sure my sister-in-law would have said because she is very upfront and wouldn't go behind anyone's backs. I suppose it could happen because they were good friends at the time, plus she was very close to my eldest nephew so there's a chance she might want to see him again, and if that happens, then I suppose I'll just have to cross that bridge when i come to it. 🙄

Someone asked why I feel so threatened by her. I don't think it's 'threatened' so much as 'awkward.' If I'm honest I dread bumping into her again and having to make small talk and whatever. But I know that I don't have anything to worry about. My husband and I have been together for quite a while now. We've built a life together and a family. I suppose it's just being confronted by the ghost of girlfriend past!

And I'm so grateful that many of you have picked up on what a lovely lady my sister-in-law is as well as all my other in-laws. I really am a lucky lady because as a couple of you said, there's loads of people out there with horrible in-laws, and I'm delighted to say that I'm not one of them! 😊

Thank you all.

First of all I just wanna say how awesome it is that you have a pretty nice sister in law. My husband's sisters are great ladies but the girl my brother was going to marry - not so much! Our family definitely dodged a bullet with her.

But that's my point, your sister in law sounds real nice so if you have a problem, maybe you should just talk to her about. I'm sure she'll be very understanding and it'll be a real weight off your sholders once you talk to her. Also if you feel that she's doing something that isn't cool with you, then it's a good chance to set some ground rules.

Honestly I wouldn't sweat it at all. If your husband's sister is really as nice as you say, then I really don't think that she'll do anything to hurt your feelings. And it doesn't sound like your husband is exactly tripping over himself to go meet this ex. I don't think you have anything to worry about but if your sister-in-law does anything that is unfair to you, then at least you'll know where you stand and you'll know that you really don't need a person like that in your life.

There's some great advice here but I want to put my two cents in!

Everyone has said that it's probably not a good idea to say anything to your husband's sister but I don't see why you can't. You've described her as a very personable person and it seems that she went about her friendship with her brother's ex in a very transparent manner. She comes across as a very understanding person, so maybe you should tell her of your concerns so that she can try to put your mind at ease.

I do think though that you need to figure out why it is you feel so threatened by this friendship. You said that you don't believe that her or your husband have any romantic feelings. Do you think that there may be a tiny part of you that does believe that? Or maybe you feel jealous of her having a friendship with your husband's sister especially if your close to your sister in law. I think it's important to address what is at the root of your concerns so that you can handle them before it spirals out of control.

Hi Queenofthecastle!

Well I can't say anything different to what the other ladies on here have said, and it sounds like sensible advice. I think you should definitely talk to your husband and tell him your fears. That's what he's there for. And seeing as it's his sister then he should know how you're feeling. It's a lot better then keeping it all in.

From my own personal experience, I feel that if there was something going on that wasn't appropriate either on the part of your husband or your sister in law, then you would have picked up on things and from your post that doesn't seem to be what's happening.

I'm getting that you're in-laws seem to be very loving, welcoming people. If that's true then you're very lucky because believe me, not everyone has that. It seems that the love they showed you was also the love they showed her when she was dating your husband. It's just a pity she proved to be not so worthy of that love. But I think as your sister in law behaves with sensitivity - ie. - not talking about you and your husband with the ex girlfriend, or inviting both parties somewhere without telling you both first - then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

It's only natural that you should feel like this. I think if you conduct a survey, virtually everyone will say that they don't want their partner's ex hanging around! I was of course well aware that my husband had children from an earlier marriage when we first started going out. So I was always aware that the children's mum was always going to be 'there.' That was something I needed to get my head around and I was able to do it because I knew that aside from the kids, my husband and his ex wife don't have any kind of relationship. They're cordial but not friends and unless it's to do with the kids, they don't phone each other or anything like that. When we go to pick up the children, we 're all pleasant - there's no need to be anything else - but there's no other involvement in each other's lives. I know that she has some interaction with my husband's family but again that's to do with the kids. So all in all, I know I have nothing to worry about.

The difference in your situation is that there seems to be absolutely no reason why your husband's ex would need to be in his life. They don't have children or anything else it seems that would tie them together. I'm guessing she was very good friends with your sister-in-law which is why they resumed their friendship. As you say, she left your husband for someone else and went as far as marrying the other man, my guess is that she's been out of love with your husband for a very long time, so I doubt she has any interest in him now.

Perhaps you should talk to your husband, if you haven't already and see what he thinks about the situation. I wouldn't say anything to his sister just yet as you don't want to rock the boat. While you may be worrying about nothing, its a good thing to nip things in the bud if there's the slightest inkling that your sister in law and /or the ex are over stepping the mark in any way and making you feel more uncomfortable than you already are. If you don't feel you can say anything, ask your husband to have a word with his sister.

Good luck!

It's a tricky one this! Noone can blame you for feeling like this. Who wants their partner's exes hanging around? But I don't think there's a great deal you can do. You can't tell your husband's sister who she can talk to - that won't go down very well. Plus it seems that your sister in law has been very open about her friendship with your husband's ex girlfriend. She hasn't tried to hide it and has been quite honest which probably wasn't easy for her to admit to as she was probably worried about how you and her brother would react.

Your feelings are understandable but I think that as long as this woman keeps herself to herself and doesn't interfere in your life, then just let them get on with it, as there doesn't seem to be much else you can do.