For anyone who's an expat, they'll know that there's a million wonderful things about living in another country. But there's also some not so great things about experiencing life in another country, and that can be true when it comes to celebrating the holidays - even if you've been living abroad for years. Hanukkah has just begun, and we've got Christmas and New Year's Eve coming up, but throughout the year there will be a variety of festivals, events and holidays that will leave expats wishing they were at home, celebrating with family, friends and being around all that is familiar and dear to them.
When you're an expat, there will be two types of holiday season that you're likely to encounter:
The holidays that you know and love that you have been celebrating since childhood and are well-known all around the world.
Holidays that you are unfamiliar with because because they are peculiar to the country you are currently living in and you have therefore never participated in such celebrations before.
With the first type of holiday, feelings of nostalgia and familiarity might give way to homesickness which most expats tend to suffer with at any given time. With the second type of holiday, while you may not feel as though you are missing out too much as it's not something you've been celebrating your entire life, you will still see people you are becoming acquainted with excitedly getting into the spirit of the upcoming holidays and making plans with family and friends which can create feelings of loneliness.
So what do you do?
WHY CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS ABROAD CAN BE A TOUGH TIME FOR EXPATS
Passover, Eid, Diwali, Thanksgiving, Christmas... The main holiday season in each country is that special time of year when everyone gets together. We all live such busy lives that quite often 'the holidays' are the few times in the year when we catch up with those closest to us. And that's why the holidays are so special to everyone because it typically means quality time with family and friends. In many cases the main cultural or religious events and festivities are often a national holiday, which gives people the opportunity to travel back to their family home without the inconvenience of taking leave for a real, proper get together with their nearest and dearest.
Unfortunately when you're living in another country, flying home to spend quality time with your loved ones isn't always possible due to time and costs. As every expat knows, it's bad enough that we often have to miss out on weddings, births, and milestone birthdays. But the holidays give us a regular date in our diaries where you can make plans to hopefully be at home; fill up on your mum's home-cooking, and indulge in all those holiday traditions that you've known since childhood. But when it can't happen, it can be tough knowing that you won't be able to spend that time with family and friends. And while you know that you'll be terribly missed during the holidays, you're struck with the realization that for those back home, celebrations continue and life goes on - even with you not around to celebrate with them.
It can make matters worse when you're living in a country where the culture or religion is slightly or completely different; there are very few expats from your community, and the locals know little to nothing about your cultural or religious events. It means it's harder to find people to celebrate with, events to go to, much-needed products to buy, and it's that much harder to get into the holiday spirit because you really feel as though you're missing out.
EXPATS AND EMOTIONAL/MENTAL WELLBEING
It's when you're not able to go home for the holidays, despite the best of intentions or efforts, that problems occur, and feelings that you've fought hard to eradicate since your expat journey began such as loneliness, homesickness, and anxiety can set in. Regardless of how long you've been living in your new country, it's not uncommon for expats to struggle with their emotional wellbeing during the holidays. Hopefully by following some of the advice in this post, it should help alleviate feelings of isolation and hopelessness.
But if you're really struggling and have difficulty coping during the holiday seaso, the first thing we advise you to do is to please seek help. Anything that causes strong feelings of anxiety or depression is not trivial. So don't hesitate to speak with a counsellor or therapist if you need to. Your doctor will be able to refer you to a qualified professional, but you might need to check to see whether you're covered under your existing health plan. Other options might be to see:
If your place of work or study offers any kind of counselling service
A reputable place of worship. Regardless of religion or faith, they won't turn anyone away but if they're not able to help for any reason, they may be able to suggest places for you to try.
Look online for any non-profit reputable organizations who offer counselling in your area. Be sure to check reviews.
1. RECREATE SOME OF YOUR FAMILY HOLIDAY TRADITIONS
If you can't be at home for the holidays, let home come to you! There's something so endearing and meaningful about long-time traditions that have existed within the family. You might not always have appreciated them when you were growing up but it's amazing how much meaning those traditions have when you move away or you're not able to be with your family. Family traditions bring back happy memories of childhood and family events, filling you up with that warm, fuzzy feeling.
During these times when you're away from home, there are still many traditions that you can keep alive that will keep you connected to your family and help bring back memories of the good old days - great for that much needed feel-good factor. You can still put up the the nativity crib; watch your fave holiday movies, or make your mum's famous latkes - though admittedly it won't taste quite like hers do but it'll still be fab!
2. APPRECIATE ALL THATS HOLIDAY-RELATED
Each holiday only comes around once a year. Not only that but it comes and goes quicker than beer at a freshers' ball. So celebrate the holiday season and really make the most of it. Watch those classic Christmas movies and TV specials; dance around to those iconic festive pop tunes; indulge in those goodies, and don't be shy about putting some holiday cheer out there and wishing people greetings for the holidays from the milkman to the delivery guy to the supermarket cashier... why does no one do that any more?
3. GET YOUR ZOOM ON!
How lucky are we to live in a time where we have all these great gadgets, gizmos and apps at our disposal which makes the distance between us and our loved ones not so great! That's one of the great advantages about being an expat today. While your family and friends may be busy on the day, so take the time to schedule in a time to call home when everyone will be free for a catch up - but bear the time difference in mind and try and work around it. If it's a group call via Skype, Whatsapp or Zoom, that will be even better. Seeing the faces and hearing the voices of loved ones will make you feel a lot more cheery and get you into the holiday spirit. And remember, it's totally fine if you can't speak to everyone on the day itself (who can!) By spreading out calls during the celebratory period, it gives you something to look forward to and keeps the holiday cheer going.
4. WHEN IN ROME...
When you're living in a another country that's quite different to your own, you might be celebrating a holiday season that's very different in style to the one you'd usually celebrate. But 'different' doesn't have to mean terrible and it's still possible to make it a time of joy and celebration. Take Christmas for example, the way it's celebrated in the northern and southern hemispheres can be quite different and the differences may feel strange and rather un-Christmassy especially in the beginning. But there will be traditions that are found all over the world such as nativity plays, presents, and Santa Claus to tie it all together, bringing that sense of familiarity which is something you can take comfort in.
It's important to have an open mind understand, and accept that life in another country will mean a holiday period that's quite different to how you've always known it to be. So don't put pressure on yourself to achieve what may not be totally possible. Think outside the box. See what alternatives you can come up with. Consider what you can purchase online or can create yourself. Furthermore it's always a good idea to learn the customs and traditions of the locals - this is a wonderful learning experience and something that you can talk about with your family and friends. And wherever possible, why not combine it with some of your own traditions; combining the best of your old and new life to create an experience that's quite unique... and totally you!
5. GET STUCK INTO THE LOCAL HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES
However you might be living in a country which celebrates festivals that are completely unknown to you. While everyone around you is getting into the holiday spirit and excitedly making plans to celebrate with their families, you end up watching from the sidelines feeling a little bemused and despondent with no one to hang out with because they'll all be in celebration mode. You could very well end up feeling like a Jaffa Cake in a packet of Party Rings!
See this as an opportunity to learn about something new. Do your research to find out more about the event: it's origins, history, customs and traditions. Hopefully you'll be lucky enough to be invited to the home of a new acquaintance to celebrate so you can see what it's all about. There's no better learning experience than to be taught by a local. But don't worry if you're not able to bag an invite to someone's home. See if there are any events in your area that you might be able to go to. Perhaps there's a group of expats you know of that are in the same boat as you, so you can check out these events together. Or... just hang out together and have fun!
Whether the holidays in your new adopted homeland are familiar or unfamiliar, one way to prevent feelings of isolation and homesickness is to get involved with the local culture, traditions and experiences. Understand and experience the unique ways people celebrate the holidays, and share with others how you would normally celebrate at home. People of ten like learning about other people's cultural experiences so this is a great opportunity to share knowledge.
6. VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME
Whether you're at home or abroad, helping others and giving something back is a sweet and rewarding part of holiday traditions. It doesn't necessarily have to be something holiday themed, as even non-holiday related projects, like volunteering for a beach clean up or assisting with the horses at a stable, will bring a special joy and the knowledge that you're doing something worthwhile - and hopefully fun! And you’ll be among a great group of people who will help make you feel at home. You may just end up finding something new that you love doing as well as a whole new bunch of friends!
7. ARRANGE TO SEND AND RECEIVE HOLIDAY GIFT BOXES
Who doesn't like receiving things in the post? And no we're not talking bills here! This is closely tied to point number four on this list. If you're keen to have something that's unavailable in the country you live in, perhaps one of your family or friends at home could ship something over to you. And in return, why not post back popular holiday items that are in use where you live, so that your family and friends back home get a flavour of what your celebrations are like.
We all know that what shipping and postage can be like during the festive season. So make sure you get in as early as possible. If you're worried about postage costs, try to send items that are lightweight and durable. Some clever packing should also help keep costs down - you'll be amazed at what you can get into a jiffy bag!
8. TEACH THE LOCALS ABOUT YOUR TRADITIONS
If you're living in a country where the locals know little to nothing about your festive event - why don't you show them how it's done? You can invite people over for a big shindig complete with decorations, food and other bits and pieces so that people get a real feel for the event. Most people are usually up for any kind of cultural experience, and if it's something that they don't really know about, they're often intrigued enough to find out. If a full on party isn't an option, why don't you arrange drinks, afternoon tea or a meal with friends and acquaintances in honor of your event. Or perhaps you can take tradition foods into work for all your colleagues to sample - which will make you popular with everyone in no time! Even if it's not the big celebration you would normally have at home, at least you've marked the day in some way, and you've got people talking and learning about an event they hadn't heard of before.
9. MAKE YOUR PLACE THE PLACE TO BE!
OK it's the holidays, you've got the day off work, you want to relax and take it easy and you may prefer not to do a humongous celebration... but you don't want to be Billy-No-Mates either! If you've gotten to know other homesick expat friends, work colleagues or new neighbours who might be spending the day alone, why don't you offer up your place as a place to have a small get together and hang out? Hosting doesn't have to be expensive, time-consuming or stressful. Your new friends won't care about 'window dressing' such as fancy decorations or an elaborate spread. They’ll just have fun being part of 'the gang' and enjoy everyone's company - new friendships might even be formed!
If you're Inexperienced - or super busy - when it comes to hosting, can make it a potluck and ask everyone to bring a dish. Or maybe just drinks and nibbles if that's more convenient. At the end of the day the holidays are about fun, people coming together, and putting a smile on people's faces - and that’s something that always works, no matter which country you're in.
10. MAKE NEW FRIENDS
If you haven't had a chance to connect with other people yet or you want to attend a holiday-related event, Meetup.com is a great place to start, especially if you're hoping to meet other expats. Facebook groups and pages are also another good place to look with details of year round events, activities and expat gatherings. Other places worth a try include the noticeboards at places of worship; supermarkets; libraries, colleges etc. Or just try plain old-fashioned word of mouth, and ask those you know if there are events on that they know of.
Furthermore, why not try setting up your own social media page or group? There’s more expats than ever seeking to celebrate particular holiday periods in other countries. than you know who are seeking to celebrate Christmas abroad. You may well be able to pool together your knowledge and find some really awesome events to hang out at.
While you might be used to a particular set of holiday events celebrated in a certain way, understand that life as an expat does alter all that to a certain degree. But that's not always such a bad thing. When it comes to the holidays, not everything is set in stone and you can make the necessary changes to accommodate you and your new lifestyle. The holidays are all about togetherness, fun, and spirit, so don't stress and put too much pressure on yourself. And don't be afraid to participate in new cultural and religious celebrations. You might actually enjoy it and you get to learn about something new.
Happy holidays to you all!
Photos: Pixabay
Blog graphics: Angel Noire
When I first moved to Sydney from London, for several years being away from my family was hard. I missed our big family Christmases and our traditions. But over time I came to see Sydney as home, and now with my own little family, we've got our own Christmas traditions. It takes time but it does happen.