This one's just for fun. I recently went back home to London for a flying visit. As every Londoner knows, public transport is one of our main ways of getting around the city, and we're lucky that compared to a lot of other cities around the world, we've actually got a pretty good transport system. There's lots of good things about taking public transport: It's better for the environment; it gives you a chance to chill, read, catch a few Zzzs, and you never know - you might just make a new friend!
But unfortunately there's another side to using public transport. I often say that if you want to see the best and worst of human nature - just hop on a bus or train in London! You'd think by now I'd be used to people's shenanigans when they step on board a bus or train. You think I'd be used to people's selfish, inconsiderate, me-me-me behaviour. But still I see I yet another display of absolutely appalling behaviour which sadly is now considered the norm. I very rarely hear people complaining so I believe that either I'm the only one who's noticed or I'm the only one who's seriously annoyed by this.
The problem is that people are intent - and believe that they are entitled - on making themselves more comfy than they need to be at the expense of other commuters. It's almost a case of 'Goodness! Am I sharing this vehicle with other people? I thought it was just for me!" They seem totally oblivious to the fact that it's called public transport for a reason. Yes, having to use public transport can be a bit of a nightmare at the best of times and naturally every one wants to get comfortable especially if they have a long commute but some people are making things worse than it needs to be with their bad behaviour. They feel that because they've paid the grand sum of £2.80 that that gives them the right to make themselves at home.
Er, it doesn't.
Here is a list of some of the worst offenders:
1. Everyone on the top deck must hear my phone conversation.
"So I said to her, yeah, 'You been messing about with my man?' and she said, 'yeah, and he ain't your f***ing man, he's mine.' So I went 'yeah, come say that to my face, you b***h, I'll f*** you up big time'. And she goes..."
Almost simultaneously you can hear:Â "Listen here, you're not getting another penny out of me, you evil cow. I've paid for Jonny's trainers plus for his school trip to the farm. You could have at least forked out a tenner. You're determined to ruin me..."
The only thing being ruined are my poor, assaulted eardrums. I realise that there will always be a few nosey parkers who feel that knowing the real-life ins and outs of other people's affairs is more entertaining than an episode of EastEnders but quite frankly most of us could do without the in-flight entertainment, especially after a long day. Either these loudmouths love the attention or they seem to forget that they are not in the privacy of their own home.
2. You just have to know what kind of music I'm into
Thanks to the invention of mobile phones, iPods and MP3 players, we can now have music wherever and whenever we want. But  the reason why people use earphones is so that they - and they alone - will know what it is they're listening too. But some people have to have their music on so loud, I really don't know why they bother with earphones. And then of course there are the ones who don't even bother with earphones and are very kindly willing to 'share' their music with passengers on both upper and lower decks. And don't get me started on those who think that Simon Cowell may actually be on the same vehicle as them and start 'auditioning'.
Lord help us all...
3. Enjoy the aroma of my not- so- sweetly- scented food.
I totally understand that sometimes people have to eat while they're on the go. But is it really necessary to chomp on food that's just a little bit, shall we say, overly pungent to the point where it makes the rest of us want to gag? A friend of mine was actually very direct with someone who was eating a kebab on a packed bus:
"Admittedly I was a bit drunk," confessed Friend, "but I couldn't stand the smell any more, so I was like, 'Mate that stinks. Do you think you could put that away?'
Yep, it was put away. Well done Friend! If only we were all brave enough.
4. I'm looking for free childcare
I love kids as much as the next person. But just as I've hauled myself onto public transport first thing in the morning before I've had a coffee or after a long hard day before I've had a Malibu and pineapple, I really don't want to be drawn into games of peek-a-boo or pick-up-my-shoe-as-I-throw-it-over-to-you. Neither do I want a stranger's child clambering all over me, trying to knock the book I'm trying to read out of my hand, or playing with my bag. While Mum (or Dad) is totally oblivious to the situation either gazing out of the window, yapping to whoever they're with or on the phone... or reading a book of their own.
And we're all well aware that kids run around and individually make more noise than a crowd at a football match but it really wouldn't hurt parents to tell them to settle down and not to create obstructions on the stairs or in the aisles and certainly not to kick the seat of the person sitting in front of them. After all this isn't their home!
5. I have to have a minimum of two seats for myself.
I cannot begin to tell you how much this makes me want to punch somebody (of course I never would!) It is the biggest display of selfishness, arrogance and how people never think about anyone other than themselves. It bugs me to see passengers who think it's necessary for their bag to have a seat all to themselves - as though their bag has paid for the privilege while other passengers have to stand. I've even seen passengers come looking for a seat and Mr. or Mrs. Bag-Owner ensures that their beloved bag stays put. Although now it's not just bags - I have seen passengers sit between two seats so that they have two all to themselves. It's like "Hello! Can you not see where the seat begins and ends. Do you seriously think the line is there for you to rest your crack on?"
But I have to officially congratulate the passenger who reached new heights. Last week a man hogged a record-breaking three, that's right, three seats to himself: one for his bum, another for his bag and a third for his feet. Then he fell asleep and 'couldn't hear' the passenger who ever-so politely tried to ask him to remove his bag. If only I could make myself as cosy and comfy!
6. The bus driver is here for us to take out our frustrations on
As someone who has spent years working with the general public, it annoys the hell out of me (and that's putting it super mildly) when I see passengers be unnecessarily rude to bus drivers. Some of them actually think that the driver is their personal chauffer who will pick them up and drop them off wherever they want. I know travel fare is expensive but believe it or not you still have to pay a little more if you want your own driver. And furthermore, the driver is not responsible for traffic jams, delays or other equally ignorant passengers, so don't take it out on the driver, who has a hard enough job as it is.
7. Is that a seat in front of me? I thought it was a footrest!
In a bid to get even more comfy, passengers are now using available seats in front of them as somewhere to rest their tired and weary feet. It's now reached the point where drivers are making announcements asking passengers who are putting their feet up on seats to kindly remove them.
Are these people five? Is it really necessary to tell them that seats are to park your bum not your feet?
8. No littering the streets... but it's OK to make the bus a complete mess
People are beginning to understand that dropping litter on the streets is wrong. But they seem to think it's fine to litter the bus until it resembles the inside of a dumpster. It used to be crisp packets and coke cans but now litter bugs have upped their game and added half eaten burgers; take away cartons and apple cores and banana peel to the floors and seats of public transport - and one time fried onions! Good grief! It's such a mess that there are areas where no one will sit. And who do litter louts think will pick up after them? I'm sure 'free maid' is not one of the conditions of their travel card purchase.
9. Lean on me. When you're not strong...
I consider myself to be a very mild-mannered person. So mild mannered in fact, that when the passenger beside me sat so close to me that he practically took up half my seat and was leaning against me so much that he had me pressed against the glass, I told myself that he probably didn't realise. That's right - he probably didn't realise that he wasn't just sitting next to me but he was sitting on me! I mean I'm so small, he probably didn't even realise I was there. he obviously couldn't feel that he was in such close contact with me... "EXCUSE ME!" I shrieked as I shoved him really hard and made my way to another seat. I was done making excuses for him. This was a man who clearly didn't understand the concept of boundaries. And would you believe it, the same episode happened on another occasion - with the same idiot!
In fact just last week, a female passenger excused herself to the person she was speaking to on the phone to yell at the woman sitting beside her who was taking up more than her fair share of the seating area:
"What's your problem?" snarled angry-lady-who'd-just-got-off-the-phone, "Your seat begins here and ends there. This is where my seat begins..."
I can't people today are so stupid you have to show them how and where to sit.
10. The wheelchair access area is for wheelchair users? Really? No one told me that!
This one really makes me question people's intelligence (or lack of) more than I already do. The wheelchair access area on buses is exactly what it says on the tin - an area for wheelchair users. When there are no wheelchairs, it can be used for prams, strollers, trollies, luggage etc. But as soon as a wheelchair user wants to use it, you have to clear the space. Simple, right?
Wrong!
Despite repeated announcements from the driver to clear the wheelchair access area as there is a passenger waiting to use it, the person whose belongings are hogging up the space has suddenly lost their sense of hearing. In fact they seem to have developed amnesia as well because when other passengers tell them to clear the space, they look completely baffled as though they can't ever remember leaving anything in the wheelchair access area. In the end, the wheelchair user gets so fed up they tell the bus driver - and sometimes in a very impolite manner - to just move on.
I once saw an extremely lazy woman act as though it was such a mission to remove her pram from the area and let a wheelchair user on. So she stayed on the bus despite the bus driver getting a right ear-bashing - only to get off two stops later. 'Selfish' and 'inconsiderate' don't even come close!
But of course, most of the above happen if you're lucky. If you're unlucky, you'd have to witness mindless acts of violence or theft. Who can forget the videos we've seen of passengers who think nothing of hurling racist abuse at other people or physically attacking other passengers. It's easy to suggest that if you have an issue with a passenger on public transport then you should just simply take it up with them the old-fashioned way - politely but firmly. However if people dare to complain these days you really are taking your life in your hands - even if you're in the right. Even if you're mega polite. So most people just think better of it and say nothing.
All of the above indicates that many 'people' (if you can call them that) now see it as their right to behave however they wish, wherever they are. People just don't realise that if you're decent, there's a code of conduct when you're out and about in public. If you don't give a damn about other people, maybe you're better off staying at home - it might be the best place for you.
Have you encountered ridiculous behaviour while on public transport? How did it make you feel and how did you handle the situation?
Blog graphics: Angel Noire
