When I have to teach my students the word 'habit' and how to use it, I often go around the room asking each one of them what their worst habit is, and sometimes the bold ones will turn the tables on me and ask me what mine is. I often respond along the lines of drinking too much coffee or eating too much chocolate. But I've just realized that my worst habit is actually far worse than that.
My worst habit is that I am forever starting things and then not finishing them - a habit that stems from childhood. I feel like I should stand up in a room and declare, "Hello. My name's Angel and I'm a quit-aholic. It's been two hours since I abandoned my most recent project."
Think I'm joking? Think again!
At sixteen, I gave up A-level French because after being top of my French class for years, it came as a shock to find that I was struggling with the language at non-phrase book level.
"You give up too easily," said one of my classmates.
Well I couldn't argue with that!
Fast forward several years and I've lost count of the number of home study courses that are still incomplete; the lessons for singing, dancing, and various instruments that I stopped attending early on; those books that are falling off my bookcase on subjects I'd always said I'd wanted to know more about but never managed to get past the introduction; the language CDs and DVDs which taught me hello and goodbye in many languages but not much else. Then there are the craft kits that are collecting dust, the work-out equipment that looks just as it did when I brought them home from the shops, the blog posts I started last year but haven't got round to finishing; the drafts of plays, short stories, and novels that I always mean to work on; my ideas for new business ventures that remain just that...
And these are just the ones I can remember. It all starts off so well with so much interest and enthusiasm. But as soon as I realise that it's not going to be as easy as I thought it would be or I feel I don't possess enough natural talent, I start to lose interest and lack the patience and perseverance necessary to keep going, which explains the reason why I only ever touch upon the basics (if that!)
And at long last I've figured out what my problem, no, make that problems are and what lies at the crux of the issue:
1. Having a Finger, Thumb and Toe in Every Pie!
As I have waaay too many related and unrelated interests. This leads to sloppy time management as there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything, which in turn leads to an inability to focus because I'm trying to do too much and end up feeling overwhelmed.
And many of my likeminded, 'creative type' friends agree with me. We're just so inquisitive and curious about everything and want to give it a go. We have a million things whirling around our heads like a cyclone. And then just as quickly as our interest appeared, it starts to wane, and we then move onto the next big thing.
Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!
2. Being an Impatient Perfectionist
I'm someone who wants everything to go swimmingly the first time I attempt it with hardly any error at all. But the realist in me knows that that's totally, um, unrealistic. Although there are some skills you'll pick up almost immediately, there will be plenty more where you'll have to work at it. And if you're dedicated enough, you'll understand that and put the work in.
3. Fear of Failure
I have a deep-rooted fear of making a fool of myself. I've always been berated for being more pessimist than optimist, and I always expect things to not go as planned. So I figure, "Well, why bother?"
Which is really silly I know considering there's lots of things that have actually worked out very well for me!
4. Procrastination!
To top it all off, I have a tendency to procrastinate, especially when I feel that whatever I try to accomplish is never going to culminate in the desired result anyway (see point 3.)Â Â
And there you have the perfect recipe for never getting anything done!
Skipping Through the Day...
But without meaning to sound overly dramatic (even though Mr. D says no one does overly dramatic quite like I do) I had a flashback to when I was five and we were practising for sports day at school. I had been put in the skipping race even though I couldn't skip to save my life. Feeling deflated at being laughed at and ridiculed by the other kids, I persuaded my mum to buy me a skipping rope. That weekend she did. From morning until evening honing my skipping skills was pretty much all I did. And do you know what? None of the other kids ever laughed at me again. Do you know why? Because I was lethal with a skipping rope (and not because I tried to whack them with it. Although I probably should have done!) I also remember having incredibly sore legs the next day but I now realise that that was a good thing. No pain, no gain and all that!
Recalling this event has restored a lot of my inner confidence. It reminded me that with a lot of determination, hard work, and persistence you really can achieve anything - that's not just talk show host speak! I remember that five year old who had enough fire in her belly to go out there and show everyone that she had what it took. She didn't think that it was too complicated or unachievable. She didn't listen to those who said that she couldn't do it. Perhaps it's time I followed my younger self's example.
But then I realized that the determination of my younger self did crop up over the years. It was that determination that helped me achieve two degrees; fulfil my dream of studying drama; train as a florist; pass my driving test (something my dad thought was never going to happen) and carve out a career as an EFL teacher for the past eight years. I certainly didn't give up at the first hurdle there. Maybe I do have it in me to get things done after all.
But I do feel angry at myself for allowing this habit to continue for as long as it has. I've missed out on developing new skills and interests not to mention wasting sh**loads of money. But now that I've realized where I've gone wrong, I don't have to allow this habit to continue.
So what exactly do I need to do?
1. Prioritize!
We all have the same twenty four hours in a day, and for many of us it's not enough. We have to accept that we're only human and we'll never be able to give our full attention to everything at once, and attempting to do so will only end in suffering from burnout. So the key here - after acceptance - is the need to prioritize and concentrate on what's most important to us. I can always give the other interests a go when I've fulfilled these goals.
2. Create a Schedule
And once you've figured out what's important to you, make a commitment to dedicate some time each day or each week (even if it's just a little time) to a particular activity or task, and really make a promise to yourself to go for it. After all you owe it to yourself to try - plus if you're anything like me, you'll want to get my money's worth out of all the stuff you've purchased!Â
If you need a little extra guidance, create a list or a schedule. Don't scoff - you'll be amazed at how much you're able to get done, and you'll feel this sense of satisfaction at how much you've achieved. It's also a good way to keep track of your progress.
3. Break it Down
You wouldn't try to shove a whole steak in your gob (unless it's a very bizarre party piece!) because we all know things are easier to accomplish in bite-size pieces. So if you are going to create some kind of schedule, remember to break down your tasks.
You might have 'practice guitar' on your list of things to do that day, but decide what it is you need to do with regards to practicing guitar. Are there new chords you need to learn? Do you need to work on your sight-reading skills? Perhaps there's a piece of music you need to get right. And if you're 'learning French,' decide what it is you're going to do with regards to your French studies: grammar; watching a French film; learning new vocabulary etc.
4. Understand That Perfectionism Can Be a Goal-killer!
Try to stop getting so hung up on being able to do everything perfectly. Accept that we can't all be brilliant at the first attempt, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm always telling my students that with practice and patience, you'll make vast improvements so maybe it's time I took some of my own advice. Until then, I'll just have to accept that I'm going to suck! Who cares if I can't ice a cake properly? I'm not Mary Berry! So what if I can't rock a guitar like Slash? At least I'll have fun trying. I heard someone say recently that it was better to do something badly than not at all, and that is all the inspiration I need (unless of course the doing something badly is flying a plane, performing life saving surgery or firing a gun in which case it really is better not to do them at all!)
I'm going to leave you with this fantastic piece of advice from the legend that is Dave Grohl which is a reminder that even the greats don't always start out as great. Sure, you might be pants today, but tomorrow people might be throwing their pants at you while you're rocking out on stage!
Right, now I'm off to a car boot sale to buy some sh**ty instruments and start putting all those 'teach yourself' guitar and drum books and DVDs to good use!
